please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
