Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
