Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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