Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
