So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize