He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
