she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
