from now on my penis is your penis
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
