Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
