I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
