I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
