I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
