Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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