I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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