my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.