I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..