I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell