You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..