some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
