Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you inspire me to be a worse person
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
