Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
