You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
