we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He shit in the fireplace
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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