i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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