she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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