Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize