I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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