sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
