Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
