Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
