how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
