did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's always time for handjobs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
