i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
