Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When did angry sex become our thing?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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