I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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