Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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