I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
