The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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