you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
