I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".