And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.