Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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