you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
