Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.