sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
