Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
