I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
