I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?