I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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