I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
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All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...