i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.