I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.