i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel