Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
