True but thats because hes a fetus.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
