i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
