I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
