I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
