She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
