Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
