remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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