I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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