roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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