I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize