Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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