let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
