Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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