so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
