so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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