Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
