I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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