Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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