Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
