Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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