I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
