It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
