Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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