At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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