meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
