u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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