he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
