A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
