On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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