I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
