; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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