I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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