Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
