That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
