you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
