Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Are we still banned from the library?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
