Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
