I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
