I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
