The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
